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Trump’s Recorded Conversations With Comey … REVEALED!

17 May 2017 Breaking News, Featured Article, Lifestyle No Comment

ChicagoTribune.com

By Rex Huppke

Posted May 17th 2017

 

The big question swirling around Washington, D.C., this week — aside from, “How long before a casino opens in the White House?” — is whether President Donald Trump has been recording private conversations in the Oval Office.

Shortly after firing FBI Director James Comey, the commander-in-tweet took to Twitter and wrote: “James Comey better hope that there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!”

Those words, like virtually everything Trump has ever done, including becoming president, were ill-advised. Because now both Democrats and Republicans in Congress are telling the president that if such tapes exist, he must turn them over to the committees investigating Russian interference in the 2016 presidential campaign.

There’s certainly no guarantee that Trump was serious about “tapes,” largely because it’s 2017 and he still thinks people record things on tapes.

But if they do exist, will Americans ever know the content of Trump’s recorded Oval Office conversations?

Yes they will. Because I have obtained a VERY DEFINITELY REAL transcript of some of those recordings. Many reputable people who I won’t name because they don’t exist are telling me these are the real deal and not something fake like the president’s tan or his claim that then-President Barack Obama tapped his phones.

For context, you need to know several things about the president that were recently revealed in actual news reports: He has a button on his desk that signals a butler to bring him a Coke; he admitted to firing Comey in part because of the FBI’s Russian investigation, which is also looking into whether the Trump campaign colluded with Russia; Trump claimed that Comey told him three times that he’s not under investigation; and the president suggested that he came up with the phrase “priming the pump.”

RECORDING NO. 1:

TRUMP: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!! I WANNA COKE!!!

(sound of door opening)

BUTLER: I have a Coke for you, Mr. President. If you’ll remember, sir, we put a button on your desk so you wouldn’t have to call out for your Coke.

TRUMP: A what?

BUTLER: A button, sir.

TRUMP: Aw, yeah. Right. Button. Did you know I came up with that word, “button.” Just made sense. I just said it one day when I sat on one. I said, “Whoa. Butt. On. Button. Let’s call it that.” True story, not many know that.

BUTLER: Very good, sir. Will that be all?

TRUMP: Yeah. No. Wait, actually. Tell that Fleebus guy … uhhhh … who is that idiot?

BUTLER: Reince Priebus, sir?

TRUMP: Yeah. Dopey lookin’ guy. Hate him. Tell him to c’mere.

BUTLER: Right away, sir.

(sound of door closing followed by sound of can opening)

TRUMP: Mmmmm. Love the feel of this cool can in my big, huge hand. Look at that hand. So big. Way bigger than Obama’s.

(knock on the door)

PRIEBUS: You asked for me, Mr. President?

TRUMP: Yes. Get me Coney.

PRIEBUS: Sir?

TRUMP: Coney. John Coney. The tall dope with the Russia stuff.

PRIEBUS: Jim Comey, sir? The head of the FBI?

TRUMP: Right. Him. Bring him here. I’m gonna fire him. Look at the size of my hands, Royce. Huge, right?

PRIEBUS: Yes, sir.

RECORDING NO. 2:

TRUMP: Have a seat, George.

COMEY: Jim.

TRUMP: What?

COMEY: My name’s Jim, Mr. President.

TRUMP: Whatever. Jim Coney. Is that like Coney Island? Cause I once had some schmuck buried out …

COMEY: Comey, sir. With an “m.” Comey.

TRUMP: Whatever. You’re fired.

COMEY: Excuse me?

TRUMP: You’re done. You’re out. I don’t like this Russia stuff you’re doing.

COMEY: Mr. President, this seems very inappro…

TRUMP: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!! I WANNA COKE!!!

(sound of door opening)

BUTLER: I have a Coke for you, Mr. President. If you’ll remember, sir, we put a button on your desk so you wouldn’t have to call out for your Coke.

TRUMP: A what?

BUTLER: A button, sir.

TRUMP: Aw, yeah. Right. Button. Did you know I came up with that word, “button.”

(sound of door closing)

TRUMP: All right, Coney, tell me one thing. I’m not under investigation, right?

COMEY: Sir, I can’t discuss …

TRUMP: I’ll take that as a no. Thank you.

COMEY: President Trump, what I said was …

TRUMP: Great. I’ll take that as a second no.

COMEY: That doesn’t make sense, sir, what I said is …

TRUMP: THIRD NO! Nice. You’ve now told me on three occasions that I’m not under investigation. I must tweet about this.

COMEY: Are you actually firing me, Mr. President?

TRUMP: Oh yeah. Over. Bye bye. You suck. Hit the road, Jack. Did you know I came up with that line, “Hit the road, Jack.” All mine. A friend of mine named Jack was leaving one day and I said, “Hit the road, Jack.” Nobody had ever said that before, it was my idea.

COMEY: I don’t think that’s true, that phrase …

TRUMP: Shut up, you’re fired. This Russia stuff is fake news.

COMEY: Even under these circumstances I can’t talk to you about the investigation.

TRUMP: FAKE NEWS! See yourself out. You can grab a copy of my Electoral College map at the desk outside. It’s beautiful. Everyone wants one. Never been done before. I’m the best.

(sound of door closing)

TRUMP: What was I doing? Oh, yeah. COOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!! I WANNA COKE!!

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